The distance that means it’s working

It was a Tuesday evening in 2018.

My phone pinged with a Slack notification, photos filling the “Social Club” channel. The women on the team had gone out for a girls’ night. Laughter, cocktails, arms around each other.

I hadn’t been invited.
I hadn’t even known it was happening.

At the time, we were a team of about thirty. Still early days. And I was the one who organised every single company gathering, often doing the heavy lifting myself, quite literally. I’d haul groceries, set up tables, make sure everyone felt seen, included, celebrated. That was who I was. That was what I did.

So when this moment arrived, when they created something of their own and left me out; it hit hard.
I remember sitting there, phone in hand, heart tight. I wanted to type, “Not all the girls.” Just to name the ache. Just to be seen in it.

But I didn’t.

Instead, I paused. And I reflected.

They weren’t being unkind.
They were just being people.
And I was their boss.

That moment shifted something in me. It was my first real encounter with a truth I’ve had to revisit many times since:

Leadership is not closeness. And your presence is felt, whether you’re invited or not.

They didn’t exclude me to be cruel. They simply wanted to be relaxed. Unfiltered. And I (whether I liked it or not) carried the weight of authority, even in social spaces.

That moment taught me a kind of emotional discipline:

To not insert myself into every space.
To not read silence as rejection.
To not confuse care with reciprocity.

Over time, I’ve watched countless moments unfold without me: brunches, birthdays, weddings, road trips. And I’ve learned to see those as a sign of success, not separation. A healthy culture grows when people feel safe enough to form real connections beyond their job titles, and beyond the founder.

Still, I’m human. I care deeply. I show up. And there are days when that distance hums quietly in the background.

Because part of me still hopes the care I pour into this work is felt.
Even if it’s not always mirrored back.

This, too, is part of growing.
As a founder.
As a woman.
As a leader.

Growth isn’t just about what you build. It’s about what you’re willing to release.

What version of leadership are you evolving into, and what part of the old one are you ready to leave behind?

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